Punk In Drublic Edition
It seems every few weeks the Man has to take aim at another brother for nothing more than a few extra drinks and a little foul-mouthed attitude.
I guess it’s no longer cool to talk tons of sh%t to some low level TSA Official looking to make a name for himself before you find your funky @ss up against a wall with your arms being forced behind your back.
And that’s when the table tilts the opposite direction you thought it would and the Man has your @ss in a tightly spun sling.
The next thing you know the flash bulbs are popping and you’re licking freshly polished granite that tastes a little too much like toxic waste to feel comfortable with, if indeed, you could taste anything but the up-and-dirty-olive on your gin-soaked tongue.
Our main man in LaLaLand knows exactly what we’re talking about.
Los Angeles International Airport police say former trash-talking NBA guard and University of Maryland standout Steve Francis has been arrested for public drunkenness and overall douchebaggery in a public setting.
Say it ain’t so.
Franchise? Really?
The same guy Jerry Stackhouse once suggested “should have his mouth wired shut” after a preseason confrontation?
Sadly enough, the answer is a resounding YES.
Airport spokesman Albert “Hot Rod” Rodriguez says Francis was arrested just before midnight Thursday because he was intoxicated, unable to care for himself, walking around in public with freshly-shat pantalones and combative toward any, and all, authoritative figures in his general vicinity.
Sergeant Belinda “Nothin’ But” Nettles says she used “the sleeper hold” on the former Rookie of the Year in the Terminal 7 lobby near the United Airlines ticketing counter to “subdue his stupid @ss”.
That’s right. Belinda.
Sometimes the Man can be a woman. Gender has no prejudice when it comes to cracking out the bracelets and snapping them on a former three-time NBA All-Star.
Get them in your sights and take them down.
That’s the motto Sergeant Nettles of the LA County Sheriff’s Department has tattooed up the backside of her left forearm.
“You f@%k with me, I’ll put my boot up your @ss,” the piercing blue-eyed law officer was quoted as saying by an embedded Low Post Reporter returning, also drunk, from Cabo on an earlier flight.
Now I suppose it’s against the law to get juiced up beyond belief at the United Frequent Flyer VIP Lounge before check-in?
It is?
What is the deal with airports since 9/11? They can’t even let a brother have a few drinks to unwind before a short limo ride down to the Manhattan Beach Brewing Company to have six or seven more beers before calling it a night?
Another bad choice, Franchise.
But there’s good news to this sad story.
The 33-year-old player who averaged 18.1 points and 6.0 assists in nine seasons with Houston, Orlando and New York posted $10,000 bail and was released about 3:30 am, just in time to catch the last call at the Mermaid, just off the Strand in Hermosa Beach.
“They have table top Ms. Pacman!” said Francis, as he jumped into a private limousine stocked with Cristal Champagne and tinted windows.
“I’m gonna live forever!” he shouted as the limo pulled away from the Pork Factory and out onto Lincoln Boulevard.
And maybe he will.
contact greg@lowpostnews.com
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couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.
awesome. franchise was a total dick since day one and has stayed that way ever since. at least he’s consistent.
Are you kidding me? Hell, yes! This story couldn’t be more embellished with a quote from Satan. The Low Post blows the Onion off the map.
I guess alcohol affects Steve the same as it does the millions of other people in the United States that get drunk. Can’t really condemn him unless we also condemn our service members that embarrass the United States overseas when they get drunk and obnoxious.
If you act like a total ass, no mater if you’re intoxicated, a basketball player, a service member, etc…then you’re a total ass. Period. Franchise has a long history of acting like a total ass. (This comment is one of the most lame comments I’ve read on this site. Why even post it?)